Re-solved

This week’s new flash is more detective noir. New York, New Year, new murders.

Re-solved

Washington D.C. Detective Comagee hoped it was a nightmare but no, here he was waking up in New York City again. He had barely had time to bask in solving what the papers were calling the “12 Days of Murder” when he was called in to the midtown Manhattan office he had been loaned to by the Capitol force. Here he would not receive any praise for his efforts. Instead, he would get good natured joshing from Lance Landreaux, his youthful liaison to the Gotham PD.

“Looks like we don’t need you after all, Chief,” said Landreaux as he handed off a cuffed suspect for processing. “Got this one while you snoozed.”

“Enlighten me.” Comagee took off his Sears trench he regretted wearing on this unseasonable early January morning.

“We found five unfortunate street people bludgeoned to death in the East Village. This guy you just saw was found running past the scene covered in sweat with bloodstains on his white shirt. Officers followed him home and found this scribbled note.”

“Looks like a shopping list,” said Comagee.

“Something like that. But not exactly. Read this.” Lance handed the paper to Comagee.

“Item 1,” Comagee read from the list, “Drop five.”

“I’d say he dropped five alright, five bodies, like a bad habit.”

Comagee went on. “Item 2. Kill Joe.”

“Now it just so happens that a couple blocks from the guy's apartment we find another fresh stiff, this one an elderly tax lawyer name of Joseph Smith stabbed outside his tony brownstone.”

Comagee continued without comment or expression. “Ok. Item 3. Pound Greens.”

“The gang unit says there’s a group on the West Side that goes by that name. He must have had them in his sights to attack next.”

Comagee concluded the list. “Finally, Item 4. Ben ice.”

“Now this one stumps us,” said Landreaux. “Do we look for guys named Benjamin? And what’s the killer’s plan? Throw him in a meat freezer? Stab him with an icepick? Luckily, we caught the guy, so it doesn’t matter. We can ask about it during interrogation.”

Comagee had a closer look at the list. Gave a dour smile. “Might not be time to ship me home just yet.”

“What do you mean, boss? This is a clean collar.”

The older detective sighed. “Let’s reread the note, shall we? Item 1. Drop five. How about maybe what he meant was lose five pounds? Maybe he was just out jogging when you snatched him.”

“What about the blood traces on his front?”

“New runners often bleed from chafing. Nipple irritation,” said Comagee.

“You kidding me?”

“Continuing on. Item 2. Kill Joe. All that might mean is quit coffee.”

“What!”

Comagee was unruffled. “Item 3. Pound Greens. He could be saying nothing beyond ‘eat more salad’. Not bash some unknown Mr.G.”

“I give up!”

“Finally, there’s item 4. Ben ice. On reading that more closely it’s not mysterious at all. And it doesn’t say ‘Ben ice’. It’s written sloppily but the “n” goes with the second word. It actually says, ‘Be nice’. Words we can all live by.”

“What are you saying,” sputtered Landreaux finally.

“I’m saying two things,” said Comagee with a flourish. “One, you got the wrong guy. And two, this is not a kill list. It’s New Year’s Resolutions.”