28 Comments
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Carole Roseland's avatar

Gives new meaning to the word “boom!”

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Scott MacLeod's avatar

Ha yes as in “lower the…”!!

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Kathy Carroll's avatar

I love the narrator's voice here—so clueless, so sure! Had to laugh at your description of a motel!

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Scott MacLeod's avatar

Thx, tried hard to make him innocent/challenged respectfully.

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Kathy Carroll's avatar

I definitely felt that, and felt real sympathy for him at the end. A very deftly written story!

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Scott MacLeod's avatar

Very kind

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Jeannine Lawall's avatar

At least he meant well...

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Scott MacLeod's avatar

Yup. Honest mistake

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Jeannine Lawall's avatar

Poor kid will be devastated when he figures out who he killed.

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Sharron Bassano's avatar

Poor kid was just trying to do the right thing. You made him sympathetic. I like where you ended it - we don't need to know what happened next. Sometimes good writing is just knowing when to stop.

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Scott MacLeod's avatar

Thx very much, Sharron I was very nervous about presenting him indelicately

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Sharron Bassano's avatar

You got the perfect level. There was no need to explain anything . You had me in the first two paragraphs with "people who make fun of me" and "Richard was nice to me". And I know how hard it is to "show", to make something apparent just through dialog without "telling".

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Scott MacLeod's avatar

Thx, means a lot.

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M.E. Proctor's avatar

That's the movies for you ... so real! Poor kid!

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Scott MacLeod's avatar

Oscar-worthy makeup and hairstyling effects for sure.

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Kim Smyth's avatar

I liked that one, Scott. Very imaginative!

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Scott MacLeod's avatar

Thx Kim. I got the idea from a new movie where DeNiro played two parts

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Mkwawa shujaa's avatar

Wow I didn't expect that ending. Reminded me abit of Alec.

Btw I also have a short story that I am sure will amaze you with it's ending. Can I share?

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Mark Paalman's avatar

Didn't see that coming! Great twist.

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Scott MacLeod's avatar

Thanks, Mark, and thx for reading!

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Parker McCoy's avatar

LOL. His career may not make it much further. If Mr. Richard only knew he had bumbling protector... Awesome story, Scott. Haha. Yours keep getting better all the time.

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Scott MacLeod's avatar

Thx Parker!

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K.C. Knouse's avatar

Fiction intruded into reality to cause a case of mistaken identity. I don't know how the kid will ever recover from his mistake. An ironic but sad ending all around. I like the way you told it from the kid's point of view, Scott.

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Scott MacLeod's avatar

Thx K.C., very kind, that voice was a new one for me, challenging.

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William McCabe's avatar

Drop the Mike

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Scott MacLeod's avatar

Boom goes the dynamite

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Nick Buchheit's avatar

Hahaha. Woops. This was fun, Scott. Nice work.

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Scott MacLeod's avatar

Thx, Nick!

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